Life's Platitudes

“Life’s” Platitudes

Don't you hate those wise, thought provoking quotes? I usually do too, but in recent events, a few of these rang true for me.  This blog entry is dedicated to my friend Mike.

Platitude #1 - Life is Short….

My friend Mike passed away a few weeks ago.  He died of complications of the flu.  This aggressive strain quickly moved into pneumonia, which led to acute respiratory distress. This forced the doctors to insert a breathing tube to help him get oxygen into his blood stream and he was placed into a medical coma.  After ten days, his heart went into full cardiac arrest and he was unable to be revived. He was 49 years old. 

“Crazy,” I thought. “Healthy people don’t die of the flu!  How could this happen?  Why!?!?!”

The night before he died I gave a presentation on leadership.  This talk was to alumni of a drug and alcohol treatment center.  I spoke about concepts that I am passionate about help me to live my life with some level of significance.  The concepts include: Love my family and friends unconditionally; help others; live courageously, humbly and with integrity. I do a lot of prayer and meditation - especially when I exercise.  And my mindset is usually pretty good. Sometimes I'm better at it than others.  But for the most part, these daily affirmations really help me stay focus so I can be effective.

I knew my friend was in a coma but I didn’t think he was going to die.  I shared my worries with the audience, “You never know when your time will be up.  Better live every day to the fullest extent without regret.”  I know - platitudes....But they aren't relevant, until something like this happens.  

I proceeded to tell the group that my friend was in the hospital and his circumstances were grim.

He died too soon for my liking.   It is human nature to ask why did this happen.  With any of life’s challenges, there is a lesson. (another platitude...)

After a lot of praying, meditating and consulting with friends, I have learned that life is short - get my affairs in order, love my family, friends and work, live each day to the fullest.  

Platitude #2 - Life’s a Bitch….

Initially I was sad.  He isn’t here anymore.  He was a friend that, although I didn’t see him that often, when we got together we could talk heart to heart. 

He had a great dental practice. He was universally loved.  He really knew me, I really knew him – so I thought. 

A few days after he passed, I went to his office to help finish some work on a few of his patients that needed follow up care.  After spending time with his office staff about the tragedy, I was given a glimpse into his life over the past few months.  He had been struggling.  My interpretation was that he was lonely, he was stuck in a rut – possibly even depressed.  His practice was struggling financially.  He might have been struggling financially as well. 

Even under this stress, he still marched forward -helping friends, patients, etc.  Maybe he helped so he wouldn’t have to face his challenges.  Perhaps he was stuck and the only way he knew how to get out of his rut was to help others. 

On his desk was a photograph of Mike, myself and another mutual friend.  The picture was at his open house for his business.  The office space was unique, bold and comfortable.  At the time the picture was taken, life for him was so full of possibilities. 

What changed?   What happened?  Why didn’t he ask for help?  Any of his friends would have dropped whatever they were doing to help.  All he had to do was ask.

Lesson – Outside appearances are not always reflective of what is going on in the inside.  Ask for help when struggling.

Platitude #3 - Life is Beautiful…..

I received many phone calls from disbelieving friends and colleagues. I recited the facts of the situation that I knew.  I gave out the info on his funeral. 

At his funeral, hundreds of people showed up. It was a beautiful celebration.  Friends and family from different parts of his life all shared stories.  We laughed, we cried, we consoled each other.

I shared a story on how I met him.

He was an alcoholic.  Almost 11 years ago, I organized an intervention to help him get his life turned around.  At the time, he didn’t want my help.  He was obstinate, stubborn and arrogant. He was in denial and he thought he could beat the problem on his own. 

I too am a recovering alcoholic.  My trajectory turned around in 1998 when life got really bad.  For whatever reason,  I was graced with the willingness to do whatever it took to treat my problem.  A responsibility that helps me maintain my recovery is to share my story. Another key component of my recovery is helping other lost souls like my friend.

A few days after the intervention, he surrendered his will and reluctantly went to treatment for his problem.  He returned a few months later a changed man.  I had been involved in many of these interventions.  When they return from treatment, some want to thank me and some want to hit me.

Fortunately, he thanked me.  In fact, he credits me for saving his life.  I never felt comfortable with that fact.  I was just giving to him what was freely given to me - The gift of hope.  Someone was there for me when I was ready. I owed it to that person (and myself) to pay it forward.

This is why we had such a unique friendship.  We both had suffered greatly and we had overcome our struggles.

As I got over the anger of his death, I entered into the mindset of gratitude.  I am grateful that we had marched together in recovery for almost 11 years of our lives.

I recall a personal story from the book “Alcoholics Anonymous”.  The story tells of a lady’s personal struggles and how she overcame her struggles while building a new life.  The end of the story says, “In exchange for a bottle and a hangover, I have been given the Keys to the Kingdom.”

My friend and I both have been given the “Keys to the Kingdom." 

When I first met my friend, he was close to death from alcohol poisoning.  Jaundice overtook his body as his liver was failing.  After treatment, Grace offered him a second chance at life.  He took advantage of this opportunity and made a life for himself filled with significant relationships and events.  He helped hundreds of other people in the same manner that he claims I helped him. 

He struggled too – but that is life.  I still feel cheated that he was taken away from this world way too soon.  It was his time to turn in his set of “Keys”.

I don’t think he would have traded his life for anything.  Neither would I....

Lesson learned – You never know who is listening, what they hear that touched them with significance, or when they hear it  - so share my experience with the world. 

Be grateful for what I have. 

Find a lesson in every challenge that life throws at me.

If you like this blog post, I would love to hear about it.  Please comment or share it on Google+, Facebook, Linked in, Twitter, etc.  If you are looking for a dentist in the Denver area, we are always looking for new patients.  Please visit our website http://www.tcdodenver.com/ or like our facebook page,  https://www.facebook.com/TCDOdenver.  Or you can do it the old fashion way - call us at 303-321-4445.

Thanks for reading!  BK

What's the Goal?

What's the goal?

It's that time of the year again.  Every December, I sit down and look at the past year and set up the plan for the next.  I do this both personally professionally.

Time to keep score - How did I do?  I definitely fell short in some areas.  And, I definitely over-achieved in others.

I look at personal accomplishments, family accomplishments, professional accomplishments, etc.

In 2012, (Tangibles)
What worked?
What didn't?
What was missing?

How do I feel about all this? (Intangibles)

Review of my Mission Statement, Vision Statement, and Core values

What are my goals for next year?
What are my priorities?

I highly recommend taking a little time to look at these things.  Living with intention is much better than blowing in the wind.

How about you...What is the goal?

Carpe Diem

This is a reprint of an article that I penned for the Journal of the Colorado Dental Association, Summer 2012 (Vol. 91, No. 3). I currently serve as Vice President.

Carpe Diem…

“If you live each day as if it is your last, one day you most certainly will be right.”  Steve Jobs, in his commencement speech to the 2005 graduating class at Stanford University. (Quote attributed to H.H. “Breaker” Morant)

Quite the statement, I must say.  Especially since cancer recently took him away from our world and into the realm of the unknown.  

Now, after reading Steve Jobs’ biography by Walter Isaacson, it was very clear to me Steve Jobs was a visionary.  He was not, however, a saint.  In fact, the book showed an accurate and honest depiction of a man that knew what he wanted and would do almost anything to get his way.  Often, he was selfish, self-centered, mean, inconsiderate, and eccentric. Hardly the traits of a saint…

But he was a visionary.  One thing that is certain, he stayed true to his vision and his vision changed the world.  The computer industry (Apple), the music industry (iPods, iTunes), movie animation (Pixar), the retail experience (Apple store), and the smart phone (iPhone) all have been re-invented through his innovation and subsequently changed our lives.

In his commencement speech he continued, “It (quote) made an impression on me. And since then, for the past thirty-three years, I’ve looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’  If the answer is no for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

I know of many dentists that are not happy in their current situations.  In my life, there have been times that I, too, have been unhappy with my situation.  Like my colleagues, I felt trapped, the walls caving in on me.  One day, something inside me gave me the courage to make changes.   I made a call for help.  

That call was instrumental in me turning my life around in ways beyond what I could have ever imagined.  There have been many mentors in my life that I have called upon. I am grateful for their guidance. I would not be the man I am today without them. The key point is I called and asked for help. Help did not find me, I sought it out.

Dentistry is stressful.  A mentor, Jerry Gropper, DDS, once said of our profession, “Dentists must have the eye of a sculptor, the hands of a surgeon, the insight of a therapist, the knowledge of a scientist, and the financial acumen of a businessman.” It is no wonder so many of us have struggles. This is a tall order indeed.

How then can we get out of our proverbial “ruts”?

Thoreau said, “I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.”  Uh-oh....He is saying that it is going to take some work.

First we must seek out who we are and what makes us truly happy.  It could be our family life, our practice model, our friends that we surround ourselves with.  It could be small changes or big changes.  One thing that is certain - Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Stephen Covey’s book, The7 Habits of Highly Successful People, describes this necessary change eloquently in the first habit, “Be Proactive”.  He talks of courage being the most important attribute.  Courage is not the absence of fear.  It is recognizing the fear that is within you and with a leap of faith - taking action. In this case, being proactive means to make the decision to make positive changes in your life.

Next, he encourages us to “Begin With the End in Mind” (Habit 2).  In this habit we are to create a vision of a better future. Covey writes,  “To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination.  It means to know where you are going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction”.  

Our happiness is determined by how well we live within our core values and to what extent we discipline ourselves to our vision.

Everyone has a bright future, if we choose to have one.  

The last book I will reference is from John Ortberg When the Game is Over, It all Goes back into the Box.  He gives the analogy of life as a calendar.  Each square in the calendar is a frame for one episode of our lives.  Nobody knows how many squares one gets, but each of us must choose how we fill them.

When we think of our day, is it filled with meaningful events with our families, patients, colleagues, etc.? Or, are we stuck in our rut, allowing the world and its pressures to create unhappiness in our lives. 

You get to choose…Carpe Diem.

Is Orthodontics Enough?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

Many times adults inquire about getting their smile fixed with veneers or orthodontics.  To maximize the aesthetic result, sometimes they need both.

This patient was recommended orthodontics to correct her upper and lower crowding. Due to the position of her teeth, they have worn down though function - both chewing and grinding of her teeth. She was also recommended veneers to restore the ideal and aesthetic tooth form.

Figure 1: Pre-op smile

Figure 2 illustrates what the teeth look like after the completion of orthodontics.  Her teeth are now in the correct position, but due to the wear on teeth edges, they just don't "look right."

As we were getting close to finishing her orthodontics, we had a discussion about veneers and how they can help create an amazing smile for her. 

Figure 2: Orthodontics complete

The day we removed her braces, we began the veneer process and created a more aesthetic smile with provisional veneers made of a hard plastic.  No one knew that she had any work done, except that she got her braces off.

Figure 3 illustrates the smile with the new veneers in place.  We chose to do simple teeth whitening and place veneers on only her front 4 teeth. Because we were able to idealize the position of her teeth, we could create a perfect bite and be super-conservative with the dentistry. This is the ultimate benefit of true comprehensive care.  Her smile will look amazing for years to come.  Needless to say, she is very happy!

Figure 3: Post veneer placement and teeth whitening

We love to create natural looking smiles.  A smile is a window to the soul - we do everything we can to help our patient's souls shine though! 

We offer complimentary consultations for anyone with questions about the best ways to improve their smile. To set up a free consultation, please call 303-321-4445, visit our website www.TCDOdenver.com, or our facebook site www.facebook.com/TCDOdenver

Fig 1: Pre-op

Figure 2:  Post - orthodontics, pre-veneers

Figure 3: Veneer delivery, whitening.

Integrity Marketing

I am working on a leadership presentation that I am giving in January at the Rocky Mountain Dental Convention.   I am also giving an abbreviated version of this presentation at the American Dental Association's New Dentist Conference (NDC) in July.  The  NDC planning committee asked my friend Rita Zamora to follow me with a presentation on Social Media and Leadership. If you don't know Rita, you should!  A link to her facebook site is  Dental Relationship Marketing.

My presentation will challenge the participant to look inward for personal exploration by identifying their core values and purpose in their lives. See What do you stand for?

Rita and I had a discussion last week about what we are respectively planning to present.   After speaking with her, I had a profound revelation about what social media really is.  Through our conversation I discovered that social media is an outlet to tell/show the world what you stand for (Core values) and how you spend your time (Purpose).

I love social media.  I use it often. We have a facebook site for the practice Facebook -TCDOdenver, but it is only one aspect of how we portray ourselves to the world.

In order to remain a viable business, we need to have a constant stream of new patients entering our practice. For this reason, we market ourselves.  We are always looking for new ways to market our practice.  Currently, we do a lot of asking our existing clientele for referrals, we market to referring dentists, we have a website, we have a decent following on facebook, twitter, and linked in.  And lastly, we have an ad in the local neighborhood newspaper. When I feel inspired, I blog.

Our top referral source is our existing patients, followed by our referring dentists.

It seems every dentist that markets themselves have the same theme in their advertising.  "We have the best new technology, comfortable setting, comprehensive care, affordable, etc."  I am sure that every dentist believes that the marketing they do accurately portrays their practice.

How does one stand out when everyone looks the same?

Potential clients search for a dental office that they think they will feel comfortable in.  Consumers are more educated today than they ever have been.  They have a wealth of information at their disposal.  Patients will choose to call based on their current needs and the identification of values that they find from their research.

Sound familiar?  Same as social media.  People will choose you based on identification of similar values.  Your "marketing" has created a persona of you and your office.  Now the most important question, does your "marketing"-based persona match the true persona of you and your office?  Does the true experience for your patients, match the expectations of that patient based on your marketing?

Consistency breeds trust.  Inconsistency creates distrust.

The educated consumer is looking for consistency.  They will not move forward with their treatment without trust.  It is very hard to have a good relationship without trust.

We have chosen to place an ad feature in a new magazine in Denver called "Reign".  It is a magazine that is geared towards the same demographic that we are looking to attract as patients -  People that truly value their health and life and want to experience life to the fullest extent. Here is a link to the ad we placed.

 http://issuu.com/reignmagazine/docs/reign_holiday_2012/107

I feel it is an accurate representation of who we are (core values) and what we do (purpose).

Marketing with Integrity

I can't end this without mentioning other people that we work with that coach us to live in integrity. They say it takes a village!

Kim McGuire - Fortune Management of Colorado
Bob Frazer - R. L. Frazer and Associates
Wendy Phillips - Big Buzz Brands